Screw Death, I Still Love You
by harrypotteraholic
Summary: The one you love can never be replaced. Even when they leave your life forever.You can hold onto that love forever and ever if you want, but after a while, you have to move on...right?
1. I can't live without you

**Hey, guys, like I said before, THIS IS NOT A REMAKE OF NEW MOON. nor is this a one-shot.**

**it seems pretty depressing now, but i promise it'll get better.**

**the title really means something that may not seem apparant just yet...  
**

* * *

I looked outside my airplane window and tried to become immersed with the clouds..I was failing. Greatly.

Just then, my sleek black phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans. Without even looking, I knew it was Alice. I didn't answer.

I didn't have to be psychic like her to know what she was going to say.

"EDWARD! What the hell is wrong with you? Okay, I know Bella is….gone…but you can't behave so irrationally!" she would say. I could practically hear her say it.

HOW could I act rationally, when the love of my life is dead?

Dead.

That's all I can really think about right now. That horrid word: Dead. That's what I will be in a few hours. Dead. Dead. Dead.

I imagine it as smoke fading away, but still there. Its as if the word is a ghost of what was but not longer is. Just like my Bella. Who is gone…and will be gone…forever.

Ah, Bella, why must you be so foolish? You tell me to never leave….to never hurt myself, but look at you! You went and damn jumped off a bridge!

I gripped the armrest of my chair a little too tightly and a piece broke off in my hands. I looked at the passenger sitting next to me.

A lady, crinkled and old sat snoring, her delicate face perched on top of a sleeping old man's shoulder.

My Bella would never grow to be that old. Nor would she have another to grow old with her to that age. I felt a sharp pang in my stomach when I realized that even if she grew to be as old as the lady next to me, I would never be that old man. Ever.

I would be forever the teenager.

My phone vibrated in my pocket again. Damn Alice. I took it out of my pocket to turn it off, when I got a glimpse of the caller ID. It was not Alice.

It was Jacob Black. What the hell did he want?

I flipped open the phone and, as quietly as I could (so as to not wake the old couple beside me), muttered a curt hello.

"Well, hello, to you to, Leech." He said with a sneer.

"What do you want, Black?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Did you hear?" he asked, his voice cutting through me like knives.

"Hear what?" My jaw clenched; I knew where this was going….

"About Bella." He said. I could tell he was enjoying this. Damn dog! What was his problem? I thought that he "loved" Bella! Why was he being so composed about her death?!

"Yes." I said, still keeping my voice calm. "I know what happened. Is there a particular reason you called me?"

"No." he replied, a smile in his voice. "That was all. But you know…I could tell you about the time Bella and I—" I quickly slammed the phone shut. Any more talk of Bella and I would have to strangle something. I didn't want that thing to be the lady seated beside me.

After turning my phone off I looked back outside, trying to be immersed with the scenery. There was no scenery. My window was completely white from the clouds. So much for losing myself in the scenery.

I felt the old lady stir beside me. I did not look at her.

I heard her yawn and bend down to reach her handbag that was under the seat in front of her. During takeoff, the bag fell back to the front of the seat and the old lady could not reach it.

"May I?" I asked the lady, looking in her general direction, but not at her. She sat back, upright, in her chair. I reached down and pulled the bag out with ease and handed it to her.

It was at that moment that I looked at her face. At her eyes.

Oh how I wish I hadn't. Her eyes were just the same shade as Bella's chocolate brown. She smiled at me and said, "Thank you, son." I attempted to smile back, but I think I failed because the old woman then said. "Dearest, something is troubling you. What is wrong?" _The poor thing…he looks heartbroken._

I shook my head, refusing to look back into those deep brown eyes. Even though I couldn't see her face, I could tell she was skeptical. "Dearest, it is always better to let it out." _Maybe, talking about it will help. Oh—I do hope I do not seem nosy…_

I looked back into those deep brown eyes and I couldn't look away. Those were my Bella's eyes. "I…lost a loved one..." I said, with much difficulty.

Her face crinkled up as she put on a face of pity. I could almost hear her skin crinkling. _Ah, a very very loved one, I can see..._

"Dearest, I am so sorry." She said. And, unlike most people, she meant it.

"But don't worry, things will get better for you…I promise." Yes. Because I am going to kill myself. _Oh, dear, he looks pretty shaken up…I do hope he's not going to try anything._

I gave the old lady a sad, knowing smile. "I wish it would."

She took my cold hand in hers. She didn't seem to notice the temperature. "Really, dear. When God closes one door, he always opens another one. You just wait and see…"

As I walked out of the airport and into a taxi, I disposed of my phone in the nearest trashcan. There. Now no one could reach me.

"Where to?" asked the anorexic driver. He was smoking a cigarette and the smell burned my sensitive nose. "Volterra" I said, looking back out the window.

* * *

**Dont worry peoples I like edward just as much as the next person, so don't freak out on me....**

**this story is going to take on an unexpected twist...**

**WELL, please READ AND REVIEW! **

**i love it when people review. reviews make me happy. a happy writer makes a better story faster. **

** 3 Twilightsagaholic**


	2. Selfishness

I noticed little things I didn't usually care about. Like the twenty something mother with her arms full of children attempting to cross the busy street. Or the pigeon that seemed to be flying as fast as this cab. Or the shape of the clouds—it looked like an amoeba. I used to be able to find all sorts of things in the clouds--especiallly things that reminded me of Bella, but now...I see nothing, just white, fluffy amoebas. I sighed. I would never see any of these things ever again. I didn't realize I would miss these little things. But, of course, when you're dead, you don't "miss" anything.

_Ohmagawd, ohmagawd, ohmagawd! That man has to be one of the hottest creatures I have ever seen. Holy Shit. Calm yourself, Steve, you don't even know if hes straight. But-damn, look at his face. He HAS to be gay. Thank goodness, I wore my best shirt today. If there is a god, man, thank you so freaking much! _I stared at the window, fighting my gagging reflex. I refused to look at the taxi driver.

"So," said the anorexic driver in what I assume he assumes is an alluring tone. I slowly turned my head to face him. He was looking at me through the rear view mirror waggling his eyebrows. I was so repulsed I almost choked. I looked away and tried to keep my thoughts away from his. I fixed my eyes on the pigeon still flying parallel to the taxi. Oh, how I wish I could be a bird. I could go wherever I wanted without the constraints of a real life. I could fly far far away and not ever have to see things that reminded me of Bella. It would be great.

I sighed out loud. Just then, the car jerked to a stop. I looked at the driver, waiting to see what he was doing. _EEEE!! Hes looking at me! Mmmmm, he looks so yummy. _

I felt the blood I consumed a couple of days ago come back up my throat. But, of course, that was all psychological. "Why are we stopping?" I asked. He looked at me and winked. "Traffic."

I groaned. I felt as though I could not put off my death any longer. I was beginning to have second thoughts. There was a sharp tap on the window. We both simultaneously looked in that direction. Who should be at the window other than my "beloved" Alice. God, what did she want? _Hey, Edward. Miss me? _she purred in her head. I rolled my eyes. Stupid wench. She needed to leave.

Confused, the driver rolled down the window. "Can I help you? I already have someone in my cab."he said. _Oh no. This chick is really hot, what if that sexy guy is straight?! Nononono, I have to get her out of here...._

I rolled my eyes. At least he was helping me... 

_Edward, its pointless. I got this all covered._ Alice thought. I felt like screaming. Alice was ruining everything. There was no way I was letting her in this cab.

"Sir," she pleaded in a worried voice. "I really have to get to the hospital...the one right by the Volterra Castle....my husband's mother is really sick....she may be dying...I really have to get to her. Could you please take me in your taxi_? _

_Oh. So shes married. Maybe I'll let her in after all. _"Alright, lady, go ahead. We're headed in that direction. Hurry up and get in, the traffic is starting to ease up."_  
_

_Edward. Let me just talk. _she pleaded in her mind. She opened the door and seated herself gracefully as far away from me as possible. She looked outside the window and pretended to be immersed in the activities taking place outside. _Edward, please hear me out. Could you please just step back, out of your body and see whats you're doing here? You may not realize it, but you're really over reacting. You think that without her you can't live? What about us? You can live without us?? Okay, I'm hurt that thats how you feel about us, but did you ever stop to think of anyone but yourself? How do you think we would react to your death, Edward? You're my brother. I would die if you were to kill yourself. Not only me, but Emmet, Jazz, Carlisle...Esme...we would all be so heartbroken. Please, Edward. Stay here. For us. I'm begging you. Please please please. We all love you so much. I dont think any of us would be able to bear it if you left. Would you come back to Forks with me, please? We'll move. Its time anyway. We'll go somewhere else far away. Somewhere that has nothing to do with her. Come on, Edward. What do you say? For me?_

I gritted my teeth. There was no way in hell this little vampire could convince me to stay.....was there? Two minutes ago, I was so sure that I would take my life. Now I'm not so sure..

_

* * *

_

**Welllll?? What do you think? It may be short. Sorry, darlings, I'll work on that.**

**Even so, please please PLEASE review! I'll love you FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.**

**less than three, Twilightsagaholic**


End file.
